Ayannali Blog

Thoughts and ideas and poems and...whatever I chose

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Location: Connecticut, United States

Friday, December 31, 2004



Lest we not forget those who suffered

New Year - New Possiblities

I saw this picture a long time ago and loved it.

On This Day

On this day I sat
I sat and thought of things past.
I sat and thought of pain and heartache.
I sat and thought of disappointment and strife.
I sat.

On this day I sat
I sat and thought of friendships lost
I sat and thought of changing times
I sat

On this day I sat
I sat and thought of things I had done
I sat and I sat and I grieved

On This Day On this day I sat
I sat and thought of things past

I sat and thought of happiness and love
I sat and thought of fulfillment and promise
I sat

On this day I sat
I sat and came to a realization
I sat and thought of all the experiences I had in the last couple of years,
All the bad and good,
Have been summed up rather easily

So on that day I realized
I have friends and have been a friend
I have loved and have been loved

So on this day I can say
I am a friend to those who have accepted for me to be
I love whom I love eternally

Thoughts on 2004

First of all....Wow. This is it. The last day of 2004. What a year.
Elections, Olympics, on going wars...There are so many things I could talk about.

I could talk about how these things affected my life.

The year that was 2004 can be summarized as a rollercoaster. Now some may say - can't every year be classified as this? Sure but I would say this last year, I personally have felt the highest highs of emotion that you can feel...felt loved and cherished and wanted and needed...to the darkest depths where everything seemed to be systematically falling apart.

Some of the biggest highs I felt this year are due to friends. I had the privledge of going to two weddings in 2004, and being a bridesmaid in one.
The weddings were as different as night and day -
one took place in Las Vegas - in a beautiful chapel in a medieval Castle. There was jousting and I must say very cute Knights to look at (hehehehe) There was also the feeling of love there - because of those who made the trip and the camaraderie that was shared. My friends who got married here are so in love and I was and am proud that I got to stand by them and witness this event.

Thank you for having me Christie and Justin Wells - My friends always.

The second wedding took place in Newhaven, UK - I traveled over 3500 miles to see another friend get married. Again I was proud to be invited. My friend here had a traditional ceremony, in a church...very very pretty church set on a hill. With this wedding, I felt included as part of his extended family, which still warms my heart. This new family I wish the best as always - they are my UK family :)

Thanks you for sharing the beginning of your new life with me Kevan and Marie Chaplin. May your crew always be happy.

Friends - I have more then a few. Those that I have come to count on. In 2004 , I got the opportunity to meet many of them - some seeing them for the first time. (gotta love internet buddies :) )

So I say hello to my friends that I have visited in 2004 and boy did I go places this year:
Las Vegas - February 2004
Newhaven UK - May 2004 (ok this was also Heyward's Heath, Eastbourne and Hailsham)
Brookings SD - November 2004

I shall be back to most of those places soon.

With all these amazing highs - there have to be lows to balance my life out.
And of course there were, ones I brought upon myself and have learned from.

I have found it's always very hard to get over a relationship once its gone. Especially one that you didn't want to end.

I am grateful though, because I am seeing myself in a new way. And perhaps one day, I'll be able to find the relationship that will work.

2004 ....

all in all I can't complain.

Looking forward to 2005

I see


I have a friend here!!!

I got an email that one of my friends started a blog...which of course I think is cery cool!

And me being me, because who else would I be? I have put a link to her blog here.

(well really I am still trying all the features out )

And just think , now I can link to someone who may have something profound to say.....

okay I said MIGHT LOL

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Can You?

Can you tell this hole to leave my heart?
Can you tell this emptiness to go away?
Can you tell my mind that I am better then what it's telling me I am?
Can you see me crying?
Can you feel that I am slowly
falling apart, being ripped to shreds?
Can you?
Can you see I am crawling out of my hole?
Can you see me lifting the weight off?
Can you see the tears dissapearing?
Can you?
I know you can You just said " I love you, too"


Ever have a moment when you are doing something, something you do all the time and then suddenly you can't remember how to do it or even what you were doing?

I get that sometimes, actually it happened to me just now. I was going to write something completely different and it just flew out my head.

Some call it Brainfreeze, some call it ditziness, I dunno...

Maybe I'll remember what it was in a few and write it down.


I figure that even though mornings are a necessary part of the day....early mornings should be skipped at all costs. (mind you coming in from a night out in the early morning is acceptable)

Have also found that thoughts can be very fuzzy in the morning. Especially when one has a hard time sleeping the night before.

Luckily, all I have to do is wait another 30 minutes to see if Kyle caught the bus or not. Then I can go back to sleep for about another 2 hours. utter bliss :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Standing on the high cliff,
looking around, seeing and yet not seeing.
Wind is whipping around me pushing yet pulling.
Snow is falling, night is cold, still standing on the high cliff, looking around.
So far and yet so near
Knowing jagged rocks below can crush and maim
Knowing one step can make me fly and be free.
Though no one is there, someone is
Holding me back and holding me tight
Keeping me from stepping over the edge
To just be able to…
Stand on a high cliff, look around and really...see.

My first post

I am glad my friend told me about this site, Gives me another place to write when I need to.

Most likely I will just ramble on about nothing imprtant, or rant. heheh I don't know. We shall see.

Welcome to my world. Hope you stop for a little while and share your thoughts too.