Ayannali Blog

Thoughts and ideas and poems and...whatever I chose

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Location: Connecticut, United States

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Insomniactic topic

I don't think it's a word either, but it is something I have been thinking about as I can't sleep very well.

In the middle of the night - in between frequent bathroom visits -I have been sleeping very poorly.
Most of the time when I get up, I can't fall back asleep for a few hours.
So I watch TV or read. Watch TV more and more lately.

I saw this show on a local station that was doing a debate on abortion. Why would this interest me now that I am 7 months pregnant? I was listening to the arguments of why it should illegal. Why Roe V. Wade should be overturned. The moral, ethical and political reasoning's.

I heard people's personal stories of how abortions have affected their lives and how it has shaped their beliefs. I have heard clergy state the obvious moral decline in the country due directly to the Roe V. Wade decision and the other decision handed down the same day.
I noticed the argument on how Roe V. Wade was way too permissive and allowed abortions to happen at anytime of the pregnancy. This person's argument was that it was being abused and would continue to be, though late term abortions in the 3rd trimester I have come to believe is not that common at all.

I did not see alot of debate on the Pro - choice side, though I did hear some derision from some of the clergy said it should be Pro - abortion not Pro - Choice.

This is where I disagree. I believe that my personal choice can be against having an abortion, but I also believe in a woman's right to choose what is best for her. I cannot advocate taking away any woman's right to choose to have a baby or not.

I listened to those who want to do away with legal abortions and wonder...
Where are these same people when woman have babies and need help with childcare, but can't find affordable ones around? Aren't these the same people who also decry a "welfare state" that the country has turned into?

Abortions should not be used as birth control, I agree with this statement. Where are all the preventative measures out there. Don't teach sex in schools is some things I hear. Or If you teach sex in schools teach only of abstinence.
These have proven not to work as effectively as people have hoped.

If you are going to take away a choice, then make sure you have all the preventative measures to stop that choice from being necessary.
If you are going to take away a choice, then make sure you have adequate resources to help those who need them. Affordable housing and Day care are paramount.

This is just my opinion that I have jumbled out. Though I am not apologizing for it :)

Friday, October 28, 2005

October 28th

It's official - I am 32 years old today :)

and actually pretty happy about it.

I have no problem telling people my age because I don't feel that it's bad to be the age you are.

So I start the day with email Cards (Thank you Meg and Brian they are great!!!)

I was touched and happy to receive them.
I also got a card from my aunt and uncle - which was also hilarious - so I am in a great mood.

I hope everyone finds their day as fun as I intend to make mine :)

Happy Birthday to me!! :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

It's Wednesday

Got nothing done all weekend due to being so tired. I didn't even really watch TV. Now that's scary.

Monday was a very long day.

7 am meeting with my son's teachers to lay down course work and expectations for the next 6 week period. The teachers telling me that he isn't engaged in class and cannot work independently as they need him to.

I realized this when I let him go there. It's a small school but normal classrooms. The true test to see if he will be able to succeed is not to isolate him, but have him in the different environment and be able to deal with others.
The teachers and I came to an understanding - actually a few.
- don't pad his work - he got a 100 on a test , after the teacher sat with him one on one and helped him with it. I would have rather seen the 50 and try to work at what was wrong or what he didn't grasp.
-behavioral issues get reported to me immediately- not a week or two later when I can do nothing about it.
- Homework - if it isn't done he gets detention - don't come crying to me that he's there alot if you don't let me know until 3 weeks later that he's missing assignments.

I explained to them - again - that I work the afternoon shift, and I don't get home to close to 11 pm - he is usually sleep, so I don't get to truly interact with him until the weekend. That is not the time to play catch up, so I needed their input more and more.

After my meeting with the teachers I relaxed got breakfast then proceeded to a 10:45 appointment with my doctor. Mind you I showed up at 5 mins to 10 but hey...What's being a little early??
My doctor wants me to get more rest, drink more fluids and call if I have any anxiety. Sure, and make a fool out of myself again, that's really what I want. Ugh.
I'll keep trying to drink more water, try to keep up with those darn blood sugar readings and still keep up with work and the tons of things I get to do there.
I'm not complaining - really -

nope not me
I am not complaining -

Is it December yet??
no wait....It's not..I haven't hit my birthday yet. That's Friday......
what possessed me to get pregnant at 31?

Saturday, October 22, 2005

two trips to the hospital this week

and I have decided that I hate IV's with a passion.

I mean MAN, they hurt going in AND coming out. And the nurse says..."little sting"
A sting that keeps hurting for 10 minutes isn't little ok??

Thursday, October 20, 2005


4 times a day, I have to take a blood sugar reading. 4 times a day I have to record what that reading was in a daily log. 4 times a day I have to make sure I follow the steps perfectly or I may get an inaccurate reading.


Because my blood sugar is slightly high and there is a history of diabetes in the family. But I am not diagnosed diabetic.

ok, I can deal with this right?

I mean, I am not going through a major upheaval in my life at all right??

ok maybe that was a bit on the cranky sarcastic side....Maybe.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The only constant .....

The only constant in life is change. The sooner this is realized by people the sooner people can deal with it when it comes.

This was told to me years ago, when I was a teenager. Well probably earlier, but of course I wasn't listening.
Now I have come to a point where I have to listen and heed those words.

My life lately has been one big ball of change, from personal to work and everything in between.
What I thought was happening one way just a mere 6 months ago, is completely different today.

Take my situation with the baby.

I am due on the 29th of December from what my last ultrasound says. Six months ago, I was under the impression that my mother didn't want to have anything to do with the baby and wanted me to move out. Why did I think this? Because she said it, constantly for 2 months.
Then things changed when she had a set of seizures.
And I think some realities hit her, that she may need some help. So now, instead of me moving out, it will be us trying to find a place to buy.

This is good. Because truthfully, I was scared to leave her alone all the time. Now, she's not having seizures all the time and she can work and go about her business, but when the seizures hit, I like to know that I can be there for her. As much as she will let me.

And I have noticed that even though she and my son constantly are at each others throats, they would genuinely miss each other if they didn't see each other every day.

Which is kind of scary.

There are major changes going on at work, but actually for me, major changes at work seem to happen about....Every 6 to 8 months, so I would say we are right on schedule.

I can truly say that I am happy that the weather has finally decided to change. Eight days of rain is a bit ridiculous.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

So I am slowly beginning to lose it

I had this 3 hour glucose test and they said the tests came back mostly normal. Mostly.

They said that when I took the glucose solution I processed the sugar fine and all those reading were within expected levels.

The problem was the first test I took, the one that was labeled "fasting". This level was too high.
So now I have to go to a diabetic counseling.

So I guess you can ask the question why do you think you think you are losing it?
The reason is because I can't seem to keep everything under control. Everytime I get a handle on one thing, three others seem to pop up.
Yes I know, this is life, deal with it.

So can I ask why life has to spiral at one time?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


On Monday I took my son to the doctor for a Physical at his pediactric group. His original doctor (who happened to be my old doctor) left for a assistant directorship in another state. So my son had a new doctor to get used to - no big deal.

I decided to handle his appointments this way, let him make some decisions for himself. He's 12 now and needs to speak up.

So I talked to the nurse about my concerns while my son was giving a sample for testing. When we got into the room where they took his vitals, we found that he is in the 98th percentile in height and the 97th percentile in weight.

He's 5'4"3/4 and 136 pounds - which they assure me is fine.

When the doctor came in, my son was asked if he wanted me to stay or if he wanted me to go in the waiting room. Either one I was ok with actually...he asked that I stay.

When the talk between the doctor turned to his eyes and ears, I gave her the glasses that he wears and they went to do a quick eye test. Results were not too good. With or without the glasses - there was no real difference. This disturbed me a bit as we had my son's eyes checked in April and this is why the glasses were purchased.

I am in the process of trying to get answers about that.

Then matters turned to school and how he was interacting with others. This is a sore topic with my son as he sometimes interacts very well with others and sometimes he has issues. The doctor noticed in his chart that 3 years ago we attempted a medicine therapy for ADD. She suggested to me that we try again, now that he is older.
I asked him if this is something he wanted to do. He at first said no, and the doctor explained why she thought he needed it.
He then said ok. I said I wouldn't do it if he wasn't on board with it. But he said it was ok.

We are going to try it for two weeks. We are not going to inform the school until the two weeks is up. This way I will have a - control - and see if there is any demonstrable change in his focus and or distractability.

Two weeks starts today - and he's already balking at taking the medication.

it's going to be a long two weeks

Friday, October 07, 2005

School - yes I am trying to go back

Well not GO back per SE. Participate. I enrolled in an online university, which is a huge step for me. It's been 12 years since I have been in school.
I am doing this now because my maternity leave is coming up and I think it's a perfect time to commit to this.

The school I joined has many ways to get in contact with them. Which is good. I do find that their financial aid officers (not all of them) have a bit to be desired. Don't treat me like a stupid child. I am not one.
They sent me an email stating I had documents missing. This was AFTER I had sent in an email stating that I have filled out everything, submitted it and was awaiting further instructions. So I called. And got right to the point. Turns out, my paperwork was there but they didn't notice.. hmmmm.

They said I had to fax in a verification, so I did, with instructions to send a confirmation that it was received.

I received no confirmation - go figure.

On the phone with them again. Waiting......

Now I am supposed to be having assistance from my academic advisor...I emailed student services, had my admissions advisor try to call, left messages, and still no answer.

I'm going for Business Administration/management and this is how they are running things??
We will see if he keeps this appointment I set up today, if he does not, then I will request a new advisor.

Taking deep breaths as my mother keeps telling me to do. She reminds me that I am pregnant and my quick to fire temper is worse then it's ever been, gotta love mom ;)